Saddle the Fuck Up and Ride in the Presence of True Classic Country
by Stephanie Vossekuil
Amidst a very real obsession for the more putrid and grotesque facets of this life and music at large, I would be doing us a great disservice to neglect the importance of heart-breaking, rabble-rousing, tear-in-your-beer CLASSIC country music. Yes, even though the howling of evil tears through our weary souls, occasionally we must take a step back and relish in a much more simple, albeit purely bad-ass celebrated American musical tradition.
No, I am not alluding to the likes of Tim McGraw or the more recent contemporary country royalty, Lady Antebellum. In fact, I would never recommend Toby Keith to a person who is interested in learning what country music is all about. I’d rather give the toilet seat a nice long tongue bath.
I have been raised on the music for the good ol’ boys ever since I can remember. I am most assuredly biased to a particular era championed by honky tonk heroes like Waylon, Miss Loretta, Lefty, Patsy and Hank. And as I grow increasingly more irritated with the pop Nashville trash, I fear I’m chafing. Thus, I bring to you a playlist of what I feel are some of the most delicious slabs of twang. The goal here is to remember and celebrate shit-kicking tunes or, for those of you that might not be as acquainted with the genre, to give you some of what I feel are the true gems being forgotten; torn away from our sight by a storm of cow pie country songs. Clear away the manure and take that whiskey from the glass.
1. Faron Young – Live Fast, Love Hard, Die Young
Because we all want to leave a lot of happy women thinking purty thoughts of us.
2. George Jones – I’m a People
What is more awesomely redneck than being jealous of a monkey at the zoo because its life is much easier than yours?
3. Billie Jo Spears – Get Behind Me Satan and Push
When your man gets stolen from you by some sassy lassie, you will stop at nothing to tear that bitch down.
4. Jerry Reed – Amos Moses
I mean, Jerry Reed is a guitar pickin’ son of gun that should be enjoyed by all, but this classic track is essential to any fan of these old dead white guys. Moral of the story, don’t go in the fucking swamp to trap alligator skins. You will not emerge the victor. Common sense is a state law.
5. Statler Brothers – You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too
For those of you that appreciate a little good clean country humor, tasteful vocal harmonies, and songs telling off that asshole friend trying to have his girl and mack on yours at the same time. Bad form, you rascal.
6. Loretta Lynn – Fist City
That is where you will go if you continue to try and harp on her man. Miss Loretta is not opposed to givin’ you a passionate ass whoopin’ for interfering with her sex life.
7. Waylon Jennnings – Lonesome, Onry, and Mean
Get off your ass and jam. Outlaw country is a must.
8. David Allen Coe – Willie, Waylon, and Me
He knows a thing or two about life on the road and Texas one-night stands.
9. Hank Williams – Ramblin’ Man
Goddamnit if Hank can’t sing a sad song!
10. Hank Snow – I Don’t Hurt Anymore
You are stronger than that heartache, boy. Let the man who’s been everywhere dry your tears.
11. Roger Miller – You Can’t Rollerskate in a Buffalo Herd
The man is a genius. And he has some important life lessons to share with us through this silly, drunkenly jovial tune. Chug-A-Lug, buckaroo!
Until next time, YEEEEHHHHAAAAWWW!